On Asking For & Receiving Feedback
Improvement starts with one thing: asking for & receiving feedback.
Feedback in music is defined as feeding the output signal back to its input circuit - this creates a loop, continuously growing and building on itself.
For people, the concept of feedback is identical, looping with a community or close group of people that you trust and respect to guide or correct your career development path.
The Importance of Feedback
The importance of feedback cannot be understated. Simply put, feedback provides an opportunity for someone else to share their view of you with you. A different perspective on specific behaviors or situations is valuable; not everyone in the workplace will share your exact view, experience, or values.
The ultimate goal of feedback is to understand this outside perspective and apply it to improve yourself and more easily reach your goals.
The Elements of Feedback
Feedback is a conversation that’s rooted in the need or desire for improvement, often associated with beneficial constructive (helping you build) or corrective (helping you re-align) action.
Feedback can happen between two peers or colleagues, between you and your manager, between you and a mentor, or even within a small group of trusted people.
Feedback can be on specific behaviors or situations that need improvement. Most often, feedback will incorporate both behavior and situational awareness to ensure understanding and provide a foundation for action.
What is good feedback?
Good feedback may not always be initially given as or perceived as such. Feedback is limited to what is observed - so it’s preferable to ground feedback in specific situations or scenarios.
Good feedback is a two-way dialogue with a problem-solving approach. To dig into how to grow, it’s important to have an open mind and a willingness to get to the root of the fundamental elements that need evolution.
To ensure you receive good feedback, incorporate all five elements: that it is intentional, contextual, specific, beneficial, and actionable.
Intentional
Feedback should be an intentional conversation. While the interaction may be casual in nature, the ask for feedback and receiving of feedback should have clear intent and purpose.
Contextual
Context is important for good feedback. Context ensures that the feedback is tied to something that happened or is presently happening that triggers the need for feedback. Referencing this context as part of the feedback is important for clarity and awareness.
Specific
Specificity is essential for good feedback. When asking for feedback or receiving feedback, it’s important to have a specific need or desire for feedback, specific examples of situations or behaviors that need improvement, and specific actions that should be implemented.
Beneficial
Feedback should be beneficial, not destructive. This is accomplished by tying the feedback to a specific goal or objective that you are trying to meet. Feedback that isn’t tied to goals creates confusion in the priority for action. The closer the feedback is to a specific goal, the more likely it is to incorporate the actions needed for improvement.
Actionable
Often a forgotten element, feedback must be accompanied with action. If feedback isn’t actionable, it’s not productive nor beneficial. If you’re questioning “what do I do with this feedback”, chances are that the feedback isn’t actionable.
It is important that feedback incorporates all of these elements; without all the elements, we risk receiving bad (or incomplete) feedback.
What is bad feedback?
Bad feedback lacks specific elements and often can look like the following scenarios:
“The Shit Sandwich”
Widely taught in management courses for decades, the feedback sandwich is designed to lessen the emotional response and vulnerability for both the giver & receiver. You may be familiar with the format: in its simplest form, it’s negative feedback sandwiched between two positive compliments.
Sounds good, right? Wrong – sandwiching dilutes the feedback you need to receive by hiding it between compliments. We’re wired to hear good things about ourselves; more often than not, we’ll hear and believe the compliments, then downplay the constructive or corrective feedback. This hinders your continued development. If you receive feedback in this style, ask for clarity specifically to the feedback in need of action.
“Harmful, Hurtful, Harsh”
Another reflection of poor management practices, bad feedback can be too direct, too raw, and not tied to a constructive or beneficial outcome. It feels intentionally designed to be hurtful. Candor is one thing; hurtful language is another.
“Vague Variety”
Vague feedback lacks specificity. It’s the “you’re good” answer to questions of self-development. It provides no explanation nor situational awareness and doesn’t create action from the feedback. Though it may feel okay to receive this type of feedback, it isn’t productive.
If you are getting this type of feedback repeatedly from one individual, they might not be the best person to provide the insight you are seeking out. Two options: reset expectations with them or consider asking someone that is more aware of your interactions with people and/or projects.
How to Ask for Feedback
Initially, asking for feedback can feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. Asking for feedback is a learned skill. When asking for feedback, focus on targeting your approach. You need to incorporate all the elements of good feedback into your ask; this will provide a deeper understanding of the feedback, so you can analyze, introspect, then take action.
You want to:
Be consistent in your ask for feedback
Document actual words and insights from the conversation
Find patterns across multiple feedback conversations
When in doubt, ask! Asking for feedback is a great start, but understanding the feedback given is a big part of that ask. Don’t be afraid to ask for specifics or examples; this is what makes feedback powerful.
Who You Ask for Feedback
To determine if you should ask a person for feedback, consider the following questions:
Does the person you’re asking for feedback from have the intentionality, context, and specificity necessary to provide good feedback?
Do they understand your goals and objectives so they can tailor the feedback to be beneficial?
Do you trust this person to be candid and honest – and do they trust you to act on this feedback accordingly?
What Your Ask for Feedback Is
Before making your ask, answer the following questions:
Is your ask specific enough that a person can respond thoughtfully and without vague language or assessments? Vagueness is the enemy of good feedback.
Is your ask tied to a goal or objective you’re trying to achieve? How closely is it tied? The closer this ask is to a primary goal or objective will better indicate it’s priority for action.
Do you anticipate this ask to be constructive (helping you build) or corrective (helping you re-align)? This distinction will help set your expectations for response.
A good ask for feedback looks like an equation; it incorporates the goal or objective you want to achieve, identifies the specific area where you may need help, and expresses appreciation for the opportunity of feedback. It can sound something like this:
Need additional guidance on making the ask? Check out our framework for successfully making an ask for anything you need to support your career.
How to Receive Feedback
Receiving feedback (even if unprompted) will help you define the impact you want to create for your career. Receiving feedback is a skill, one that is cultivated with experience. Here’s how to receive feedback:
Own the Feedback
If you’re receiving feedback, you own that feedback. This means you’re accountable for it; you’re now aware of this information and it’s on you to reflect and act on that feedback. Many people display defensiveness when confronted with feedback. Focus instead on the benefit and impact you can create for yourself if you own this conversation.
Check that All Elements are Covered
When receiving feedback, it’s important to ensure it’s intentional, contextual, specific, beneficial, and actionable. This is why feedback isn’t one-sided and should be treated as a conversation. Most of the time, you may need to ask questions, clarify points, or seek examples for additional specificity or context to ensure the feedback is good feedback. Don’t be swayed by compliments or vague responses. Get what you came for.
Address Uncertainty
It’s recommended to ask questions about the feedback you receive. Come with curiosity, not defensiveness. Seek to understand so you can incorporate the feedback and grow, both personally and professionally.
Acknowledge the Gift of Feedback
It may not always feel like it, but feedback is a gift. Express gratitude, or at a minimum, acknowledge the feedback. These conversations require candor, honesty, and directness – all tough characteristics, no matter whether you’re giving or receiving feedback.
Reflect with Context
Not all feedback is good feedback. Not all feedback is productive feedback. Sometimes there are missing or unclear elements. If this isn’t solved with direct questions, reflection can potentially guide your answers. Get to the root of where the feedback is coming from and what you can do with it, if anything. (Just be sure to confirm the answer so you’re not going down the wrong path!)
Following Up on Feedback
When another person gifts you with feedback, the best reward is following up with the outcome and impact of that feedback. Everyone appreciates a thank you in the moment of feedback, but showing that the feedback had a direct impact for a positive outcome is the best way to positively impact a relationship. It also builds trust and opens the relationship for more ongoing feedback.
The Danger of Too Much & Too Little Feedback
Too much feedback is just as dangerous as not enough feedback. Both situations amplify the risk of confirmation bias in your mindset: “I already know and don’t need to learn (or do) more.”
With too little feedback, you miss the opportunity for an outside perspective. Whether this is guidance to help grow your career, or blind spots impeding your growth, a lack of feedback may misalign your expectations and stall growth in your personal and professional life.
With too much feedback, you lose the ability to act on the feedback and it becomes difficult to assess with specificity and context. It’s tough to find a way forward, and can feel like you’re drowning in non-prioritized information.
Early in your career, balancing between too much and too little feedback can be difficult – everything is an opportunity to learn and grow. Bring focus to feedback on a consistent cadence and aligned to a specific goal you’ve identified.
Getting Good at Asking for & Receiving Feedback
Getting good at asking for and receiving feedback is an active practice. As you build this ability, cultivate the next seven components into your practice:
Set the Right Expectation
Asking for and receiving feedback is a vulnerable act. You’re opening yourself up to potential criticism, which can stimulate a number of reactions. Before asking for or receiving feedback, set the right expectation for your mindset. Remind yourself that feedback is intended to help improve, even if it’s tough to hear (or act) on this feedback.
Develop Trust
While feedback is a gift, it can be more beneficial when it comes from a person you trust – and who trusts you. Trust creates the opportunity for an honest and candid conversation. To build trust, start with a trusted mentor or person you admire. Ask for their feedback on their own career, their own skill development, their own path, and listen to their response. The next question is easy: “how do I do that?”
Build the Loop
As you initiate feedback conversations, create an intentional loop for yourself. Ask for feedback, receive feedback, reflect on the feedback, act on the feedback, then follow-up on the feedback – and the outcomes and impacts of the feedback – regularly.
Monitor the Cadence
Feedback can be ad hoc or occur on a set cadence. Ultimately, you own this cadence and the conversation, so establish the timing that works best for you. Use the loop you built to keep the cadence running and you’ll never run of things to seek feedback on.
Gently Push
The human inclination is to avoid conflict with others. Feedback has the potential for conflict and negative feelings, and absent trust, it can be difficult to get the actual feedback you need. If appropriate, gently push to ensure you understand the feedback in its entirety. Assumptions can be dangerous, and it’s not beneficial to hear feedback you can’t act on or that lacks context, specificity, and intentionality.
Reject the Initial Reaction
It’s important to acknowledge that we call have emotions, and in feedback conversations, it’s expected you will have a reaction to an outside perspective. Often, a negative knee-jerk reaction may occur. Reject it. Step outside of the protective bubble and look at it without feeling targeted or kicked around. Address it with a sense of curiosity, not judgment.
Write It Down
The first thing to do with feedback: write it down. Even if you don’t agree with the feedback, it’s important to write down what the feedback was – ideally verbatim. When you see this feedback on paper, you can reflect on it objectively. If you rely on your memory of the situation, you run the risk of your mind downplaying it, overdramatizing it, or misremembering the key components of the feedback.
By writing it down, you also unlock the ability to:
Incorporate feedback into your career development plan
Track the action, change, and impact since the last reflection
Catch feedback that is similar or repeated over time – a big clue that either the action plan wasn’t effective or that it’s feedback that needs to be addressed
Need a template to capture feedback?
Use the Notes from the Field Feedback Template.
Recommended Resources on Asking For & Receiving Feedback
Want to dive deeper on this topic? We recommend:
Read
Book: Radical Candor by Kim Scott
Radical Candor is about caring personally and challenging directly, about soliciting feedback and providing guidance that helps others grow. It focuses on praise but doesn't shy away from criticism—to help you love your work and the people you work with.
Article: The Right Way to Process Feedback by Cameron Conaway
We all receive feedback. How we process it and make the most of it isn’t always easy. Processing feedback goes far beyond listening to it in the moment and implementing it; it involves continuous reflection, conversation, and practice. While much of this happens because of the way we receive feedback, there is much we can do, too, to make sure we’re processing feedback the right way.
Watch
Video: Getting Feedback with Joe Hirsch
What if getting feedback wasn't a source of fear, but joy? In this personal talk, speaker/author Joe Hirsch makes a passionate case for sharing "feedforward," a new view of human potential. When feedback draws others closer to their future selves, they experience the joy of self-discovery that leads to positive and lasting change.
Listen
Podcast: Getting the Feedback You Need with Ella Bell
Ella Bell, an expert on interpersonal communication and organizational behavior, shares creative ways to draw out people’s perceptions of your performance and potential. She also offers advice on how to make sense of the feedback you do receive.
Take Action
Template: Feedback Tracker
Need a template to track your requests and responses for feedback? Use the Notes from the Field Feedback tracker to reflect & act on feedback
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