Perspectives: On Living a Good Life
The college experience will teach you many things - but it cannot teach you the answer to one simple question.
We’re stepping out of our regularly scheduled content to share some insights on the eve of our Editorial Intern, James, departing for his first year at Emerson College. We’re proud of him leaving Texas and heading to Boston to embark on this new adventure, bright-eyed and excited - and can’t wait to see how Emerson shapes him into a fully-fledged publishing professional. To help him on his journey, we collected the life advice we learned along the way. Feel free to share with your favorite people and add your own advice in the comments.
Dear James,
As much as we want to start with the initial advice we received when we left for college, we’ll save that for the end. You’re the Kindergarten Class of 2011, the High School Class of 2024 and the Emerson College Class of 2028. The world changed so much between when we were in kindergarten and high school and college and our first “real” job that it only seems appropriate to start somewhere fresh.
What is still true today, however, is that the college experience will teach you many things about yourself. You’ll learn, and see, and do more in those four years than you can ever expect. Take advantage of those experiences, but know one thing -
College can’t teach you the answer this one simple question:
How will you live a good life?
While based solely on our own unexpected discoveries, here are a few things to consider to supplement your academic & experiential education.
Go for a Walk Everyday.
Walking around for no specific purpose will show you the things you miss when you’re driving or otherwise focused on getting from Point A to Point B. You’ll see the things you would have never found or experienced. And this, in turn, will inform your own experience in your community. Walking will also unlock a natural rhythm, which in turn will create cadence and clarity to your thoughts. There are only a few things in life that can’t be explored or untangled with a good walk.
Take Care of Your Health.
Your health is one of the two things you can never get back once it’s gone. It’s the only investment that’s 100% guaranteed. Be proactive and advocate for your health, always.
Your Time is Valuable.
The other thing you can never get back once it’s gone: your time. Spend your time with the things that matter to you, then value your time on the things that don’t matter accordingly.
Be Curious, Then Judgmental.
In the immortal words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, be curious, not judgmental. Curiosity unlocks context and a deeper appreciation for the way things are and how those things work. Judgment unlocks snap decisions driven by bias or prejudice, knowingly or otherwise. Be curious first, then judgmental.
Trust, But Verify.
We’re human and fallible to our lived experiences and memories. Learn to differentiate fact from opinion, then learn to differentiate whether accuracy or precision matters to the larger intent. Even those you trust absolutely will occasionally slip, knowingly or otherwise.
Integrity Ain’t Just a Nine-Letter Word.
Your reputation is built over time. It can be destroyed in an instant. Your most valuable currency in the world is your word.
Consider Permanence Before Posting.
The guiding principle for your elders was to be proud enough of what you said and did so that if it ended up on the front page of the local paper, you wouldn’t be embarrassed (or go to jail.) The concept takes on fresh context in a world of digital media, where everything is (nearly) permanent and easily accessible. Choose what you do and say with clear intent; your reputation is yours to cultivate. And for the love of pete, don’t feed the trolls. You will never change someone’s opinion from the safety of a screen.
Be Hard on Yourself & Soft with Others.
Over the past thirty years, the internet has warped our perception of others. We crave connection and authenticity with others, but we are not 100% who we present ourselves to be in a snapshot on social media. Assume good intent with others (until proven otherwise), but always hold yourself to the standards you set for others.
Learn to Apologize.
In many cases, an apology can fix a tough situation. Apologies are designed to express your regret for an action that cannot be undone - but are highly subjective to the specifics of the situation, the impact felt, and the retribution required to fix the harm. When an apology is required, acknowledge your action, admit your fault and extent of responsibility, express your regret or remorse, and offer, if possible, a path forward. Communications that lack any of these elements are not apologies. If retribution from the wronged is likely, bring in a trusted third-party to help navigate and negotiate the appropriate punishment in an objective manner.
If Something is Free, You are Likely the Product Being Sold.
Nothing is free in this world. Be wary of things that are free, convenient, and easy to access. Once you’re using, it’s exceptionally difficult to stop.
Understand the Impacts & Outcomes of Your Decisions.
Every decision you make has impacts. Usually these impacts are positive and negative; there are a few decisions you can make that are solely positive or solely negative. If you consider these impacts and outcomes, your decisionmaking calculus will be better for it.
Ask for Help.
There are aspects of life that are beyond your current ability. When those moments arise, ask for help. There is little pride in the struggle. If help doesn’t show up, use Cunningham’s Law to your advantage.
But Also, Figure It Out.
You have an awesome brain AND a magic rectangle in your hand that unlocks all the information in the world. Use them both. You’re still learning and if you learn the concept and see how it’s done on the internet, then the next step is to do it.
Find Your Moderate.
Less isn’t (always) more. More isn’t (always) less. In anything you do - particularly in your day to day - find the moderate that will achieve some benefits and mitigate some drawbacks. There’s nothing but moderation in a scoop of ice cream, but a gallon of ice cream is nothing but consequences.
Understand the Future Value of a Dollar.
In the words of Einstein: “compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. Those who understand it, earn it; those who don’t, pay it.” Every dollar you make will be worth more tomorrow than today if you learn how to invest beyond a savings account. No amount is too small to invest in low-risk securities. Start setting aside a percentage of your income for investments and maximize any opportunity for investment matches from your employer.
Buy It Once.
It’s easier than ever to make purchases for the items you want and need. Before you make a purchase, consider the quality, utility, and frequency of use. There are many other options beyond a purchase, including renting, borrowing, or even going without. Consider these options before you complete your purchase - your wallet will thank you (and you’ll avoid lugging around all the things you don’t really need.)
Splurge Occasionally.
What’s life without experiences? Boring.
Chasing Status isn’t Worth the Effort.
Chasing status is Sisphyean - there is always another step to take or person with something more - a title, money, wealth, access, influence, power - than what you have. Measuring your life to your status is the wrong measuring stick. Let it go and measure your life to something more worthy.
You are Not Your Parents.
This cuts two ways: your parents’ status is not yours; your parents’ decisions are not yours. While your parents (and your larger family) may provide some safety nets as you establish yourself in the world, you are now independent. Accept this freedom and build your life as you see fit.
Anything You Think You Know Today is Likely to Change Tomorrow.
Anticipating change is the only way to know everything worth knowing.
Don’t Mistake Happiness for Reaching a Life Milestone.
Graduations, promotions, weddings, buying a house, having children - these are life-changing milestones, not demarcations for happiness. Don’t buy into “I’ll be happy when…” statements. These milestones may produce momentary happiness, but these moments are fleeting.
Happiness Comes From What You Do Everyday.
And it is never the big things you think it will be. It takes effort to identify the things that create your happiness, and they’re often the small acts that show how much you care about yourself. It’s worth the effort.
Anything Worth the Effort is Worth Documenting.
Don’t save your good notebooks for your biggest, deepest thoughts - write in them daily. Keep a list of the things that make you happy. Document your thoughts and perspectives and actions and process. Find the patterns and add these reflections to boost your self-awareness. Anything you do in your life that’s worth the effort is worth documenting how you got there and where you’ll go from this point forward.
Work Will Define You - If You Let It.
Spend the time to define who you are. It’s unlikely that you are your job.
Choose To Develop Your Strengths.
You probably have four or five things you can be great at across the span of your life. Develop these strengths. Other people may see your weaknesses, but don’t spend too much time or effort to be mediocre at your weaknesses. Instead, recognize the weakness and find methods to mitigate them.
Look Up From Your Phone.
Unless you want to spend the last third of your life unable to lift your eyes to see a face, make the effort to study the sky and all your surroundings regularly. Your neck (and your eyes) will thank you.
Don’t Worry, Be Prepared.
Humans are terrible at assessing real risks - those real risks appear innocuous and the impacts (seemingly) come out of nowhere. For the things you spend worrying about, get yourself prepared for them. If the things come true, you’re ready; if they don’t, you’ve at least relieved your anxiety.
You Will Not Succeed the First Time. Or Even the Second Time.
If you do, it’s just luck. If you don’t, learn, adjust, and keep going.
Know What You Stand For - Then Make the Stand.
The world is full of complex, complicated problems. Find the few critical elements that stoke the fire of your values and purpose - then stand firm and tall on those issues.
Always Have At Least One Person in Your Life Who Challenges You to be the Best Version of Yourself.
(And be that person for someone else.)
It’s Never a Good Time for “I Told You So.”
They already know and they came to you anyway. Be gracious and helpful.
Vote Early & Often.
Bad representatives are elected by good citizens who don’t vote. Don’t wait for election day to make your voice heard if you have the opportunity to vote early. Local elections are often decided by less than a hundred votes with long-term impacts. Get involved and stay involved with your local and state representatives - and ensure they’re addressing your issues appropriately.
Take the Leap - But Double-Check the Safety Net Mechanism.
You may take a big risk and (figuratively) leap off the cliff in attempts to fly. Do it, but double-check the mechanisms of your safety net. Better to know how far and how fast you may fall - and better to know that something will catch you along the way to avoid the (figurative) splat.
Success and Failure are Temporary.
No success or failure, achievement or short-coming, are forever. You will use both as learning opportunities for the next milestone. Your own memory of them will shift as you continue along your journey - it’s why happiness doesn’t align well with achieving success; it’s too impermanent. Time will erode other peoples’ memories and experiences of them as well.
Know When to Quit - and When to Persevere.
The hard thing about hard things is the lack of clarity while facing important decisions. Quitting when things get tough isn’t the right time to quit; everything worth doing will have a dip in the process that will suck and erode your initial enthusiasm as you put in more effort for less result. If it’s the dip, persevere. Quit when you hit a dead-end (your continuous efforts generate no change, better or worse) or a cliff (when you can’t quit without everything falling apart.)
Eliminate the Word “Deserve” from Your Vocabulary.
Too often, the concept of “deserve” is weaponized as a flimsy justification for poor decisions. Eliminate it from your own vocabulary and be wary of those who use it to influence themselves or others.
True Misery is Addiction.
Addiction comes in many forms, but all of them function the same way: the illusion of control. If you find yourself in a place where something else has control or undue influence over the decisions you make, seek outside help immediately. The most important thing is for you to regain your autonomy - and the addiction will isolate you, then lie to you about what that process looks like and what other people will think or do as a result. Have the bravery and courage to get help anyway.
Understand Your Responsibility with Others.
In times of tragedy, find the helpers.
In times of happiness, help those who are struggling.
In times of austerity, find your community.
In times of prosperity, help those who are less fortunate.
In times of uncertainty, find those who will help you think, not those who spout advice blindly.
In times of stability, help those who are less certain.
Finally: Wear Sunscreen.
You’re ready for what comes next. You can do this. You have more courage and bravery and stubbornness than any of us did at your age. And in the moments your resolve softens or doubt creeps in or fear tightens your chest, just remember where you came from, where you’re going, and that the path between the two is never straight. You made it this far; we can’t wait to see where you take your life next.
Advice:
You will have things that go wrong in Life. Although it is harsh, these can be called failures. What I have learned is that you shouldn’t judge yourself by every failure just as you should not judge yourself on every success.
Take time to learn from these things that don’t always go according to plan. There is something magical about failing at something, taking time to learn from it and succeeding on subsequent attempts.